TITLE: All The World's An Undead Stage
AUTHOR: Angel Martinez
FORMAT:EBOOK
ISBN:978-1-78651-660-2
WORD
COUNT:50,655
LANGUAGE:English
BOOK
LENGTH:NOVEL
PAGES:144
GENRES:COMEDY
AND HUMOUR, EROTIC ROMANCE, GAY, PARANORMAL
BLURB
‘Old
actors never die’ shouldn’t be literally true.
Carrington
Loveless III, skim-blood vampire and senior officer of Philly’s paranormal
police department, has long suspected that someone’s targeting his squad. The
increasingly bizarre and dangerous entities invading their city can’t be a
coincidence. So when a walking corpse spouting Oscar Wilde attacks one of his
officers, Carrington’s determined to uncover the evil mind behind it all.
As a
rare books librarian, Erasmus Graham thought he understood some of the stranger
things in life. Sharing a life with Carrington has shown him he didn’t know the
half of it. They’ve survived attack books and deadly dust bunnies together and
got through mostly unscathed. Now his world and his vampire’s appear ready to
collide again. Books are missing from the Rare Book collection—old tomes of
magic containing dangerous summonings and necromancy. He’s certain whoever has
been stalking the Seventy-Seventh is composing their end game. It’s going to
take a consolidated effort from paranormal police, librarians and some not-quite-authorized
civilians to head off the impending catastrophe.
General
Release Date: 2nd January 2018
BUY
LINKS
EXCERPT
“Did
you finish it?” Carrington leaned out of the bathroom into the hall, ruffling
his hair dry.
Erasmus
poured his second cup of coffee. He was almost awake enough for guessing games.
“Finish what, Mr. Cryptic?”
“The
book?”
“The
Cabal one? I did. Yesterday at lunch.” Erasmus frowned as he checked the fridge
and counted blood packets. “Is your shipment coming soon? You’re almost out.”
An
offended sniff came from the bedroom—one of actual offense, not the kind where
Carr was kidding. “You could have said. I was looking forward to discussing.”
Erasmus
choked on a laugh. “Would that have been before you ambushed me with octopus
hands when I came through the door or while you were dragging me down onto the
carpet because you wanted to be, and I quote, filthy and do it right in
the vestibule?”
“We
had all evening!”
“You
fell asleep.”
Carr
strode out of the bedroom, uniform pressed and polished, and Erasmus couldn’t
help a soft, lust-filled sigh. He did love the tight fit of that uniform and it
both warmed him and frustrated him to get to see Carr in it first thing most
mornings. He still hadn’t moved in, though that was a formality at this point.
When Carr worked day shift, they stayed at his place where Erasmus could walk
to work and when his vampire worked nights, Erasmus went back to his place
since their schedules didn’t align at all those days.
“Terribly
sorry about that. I guess I was more exhausted than I realized. Inconsiderate
purse snatchers running off into the sunlight.”
“Weatherman
says clouds all day today.” Erasmus stole a soft kiss. “And at least the days
are getting shorter. I did enjoy the book. Didn’t know how to feel about
necromancer humor but it was perfect. A very dry kind of funny. We’ll have to
pick up the next one. And you didn’t answer the question.”
“Shipment’s
scheduled tomorrow. In plenty of time, my dear.” Carrington used the reflective
front of the fridge to straighten his already straight tie. “I do wish I could
take the day off with you. Maybe I should call in sick.”
“You
don’t get sick and if you called in sunstroked, you’d be lying and feel rotten
about it all day. You wouldn’t be any fun at all.”
“Damn
you and your inevitable good sense.” Carr ruined his sulk with that adorable
unsure grin, the one with just a flash of fang. “Will you be here later?”
“I’m
not draping myself across your sofa to watch reality TV and languishing until
you return.” Erasmus slipped an arm around Carr’s waist and hurried on before
the spark of hurt in his vampire’s eyes could catch. “I’ll come back when
you’re on your way home. Meeting my moms for lunch. Getting some errands in. I
do have a life.”
“You’re
a dreadful minion.”
Erasmus
put his hands to his cheeks in an exaggerated gasp. “I thought you were the
minion.”
Carr
threw a balled-up napkin at him, scowling, though his eyes laughed. He grabbed
his hat and his insulated lunch bag, swooped in for a kiss that curled
Erasmus’s toes, and gave a cheeky salute as he left the condo. “I’ll see you
tonight.”
“Have
a good day! Be safe!”
He
said it every time Carr went off to work and every time it gave him a little
shiver. Be safe. The wish of every spouse and partner of every police officer
who had ever lived and Erasmus knew enough by now to realize it meant I
love you, come back to me whole and healthy. Most days, nothing dangerous
happened. But it only took one bad day…
Best
not to think those things. It only invited trouble.
* *
* *
“How’s
your head?” Amanda asked as she took the Sixth Street exit off the Vine Street
Expressway.
“Surprisingly
well this morning.” Carrington couldn’t help the bit of smug that crept in.
“Yeah?
You looked like you were headed for a bad night after you tackled that dude. In
the sun. After running three blocks. In the sun.”
“I
ate and slept well. Perhaps I’m becoming more acclimated these days.”
Amanda’s
sideways glance was quick and sharp. “And you got laid.”
“Certainly
none of your business and I don’t see how you would know. Or how that would be
of any help with the sun.” Carrington turned over an uncomfortable thought.
“You don’t know, do you? Manda, you can’t see—”
She
cut him off with a laugh. “Nah. I’d have to be at your place and really
concentrating hard. It’d be way more info than I’d ever want. You’re just more,
you know, perky and shit the next day.”
Carrington
huffed. “I am not perky. Dreadful choice of words. Though I do wonder if sex
mitigates the effects of sun exposure.”
“Guess
you’d have to run tests.” Amanda snickered when he swatted at her. “Sorry. I’m
ragging on you too hard today. Carr?”
“Yes?”
“It’s
good to see you happy.”
Not
at all the sentence he’d expected. Carrington snapped his mouth shut, unable to
process a quick answer, and when nothing clever or sarcastic presented itself,
he murmured, “Thank you.”
She
gave him an awkward pat once she’d parked in the station’s lot, obviously out
of words as well. Quite all right—they understood each other and Amanda wasn’t
the best with, as she said, mushy stuff.
The
majority of the squad had already arrived that morning, a trend that had become
more prevalent. Vance chatted in animated fashion with Shira about what he’d
done with his kids that weekend. Someone had made Audacity a paper airplane to
bat around, but Tim had been eyeing it. The game had become one of the kitten
snatching the airplane up and racing off with it while Tim pursued in his paper
ball house. Every time he caught up, she dashed off again.
Krisk
lifted his huge foot to let them both race under his desk, most of his
attention on his screen. Carrington didn’t envy him the email cleanup after his
extended hospital stay. Wolf related something to Eva and LJ that required a
lot of complex gesticulation.
For
a moment, Carrington allowed himself to lean in the doorway and observe, an
unfamiliar sense of pride warming the space around his heart.
“Taking
in the view?” Kyle stopped near him on his way in.
“Having
a moment, I suppose.” Carrington swallowed against a sudden lump in his throat.
“Two years ago, half of them didn’t like the other half. Everyone resented
being here. They straggled in barely on time. Complained about everything. Now
look at them.”
“They
grow up so fast.” Kyle let out a tragic sigh, though his eyes twinkled. “I know
what you mean. Believe me. I guess shared trauma goes a long way.”
“Hmm.
I’m certain that’s a good portion of it. Where’s Kash?”
“His
turn for the coffee run. He’ll be here in a couple.” Adorable how Kyle’s
features lit up with such a simple mention of his husband. There were certainly
more cheerful reasons than shared trauma for the increased harmony in the squad
room.
Carrington
made his way through the desks, careful to step around Audacity and over Tim.
She’d decided the game was over and now stood on her hind legs with the paper
airplane in her teeth, trying to place it atop Tim’s house. Peeping
encouragement, Tim leaned out and helped by patting the airplane flat with his
fuzzy head and adding it to his construction.
“Hey,
Carr!” Greg called from across the room. “Your mom’s on line one!”
“Why
does that sound like the beginning to a terrible joke?” Carrington set his
lunch bag on the desk and stared at the blinking light on his office phone.
“Did you tell her I’m not in yet?”
Greg
shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not gonna lie for you. I told her you
just walked in.”
Carrington
glanced around the squad room to determine if anyone might be a willing ally,
but Jeff caught on before he could say a word. “Talk to your mother, Carr, or
I’m getting on the phone and telling her you’re avoiding her.”
“Abandoned
and friendless. I see how it is.” Carrington sighed as he sank into his desk
chair.
“Drama
queen,” Amanda muttered.
“Ice-hearted
prol,” he shot back, then took a deep breath before he picked up the phone.
“Mom? A bit on the early side to be calling the station. All’s well, I trust?”
“Carrington.”
She huffed and he cringed to hear himself in her mannerisms. “I wanted to catch
you before you went driving about.”
Yes.
That’s what I do. Drive aimlessly around the city. He hoped the eye roll didn’t
bleed into his voice, though Amanda snickered. “Oh, yes? How can I assist?”
As
she explained in that I have spoken, there will be no debate voice,
Carrington’s optimistic energy drained from him. “I certainly hope I can depend
on your help with arrangements.”
“That’s…”
Carrington began, trying to buy himself a moment while his morning brain tried
to parse this sentence. Of all the things she could have possibly said, he
would never have predicted that. “Probably something you should clear with the
lieutenant, don’t you think?”
“Don’t
be silly. You’re right there.”
“I’ll
present your proposal but I won’t make promises.” Carrington cringed as he snapped
a pencil in half. “Will that suffice, Mother dear?”
“It’s
far too early for that tone, Carrington. Let me know what Mia says.”
Carrington
hung up and slumped in his chair, staring at the ceiling.
“You
okay?” Amanda peered around their monitors.
“Never
better. I’ve always wanted to play go-between for my mother and Lieutenant
Dunfee.”
Amanda
withdrew, her voice muffled as she said, “I’m not laughing. Nope.”
“Hush,
you,” Carrington muttered.
His
partner’s teasing didn’t bother him. His family, on the other hand, most
assuredly did. They made him so tired, his controlling mother, his emotionally
detached father and his idiot brother. To be fair, Mom had her moments and she
did worry about Carrington in her own way. Her priorities just tended to be skewed.
Carrington
spent roll call worrying over how to start the conversation with the lieutenant
and when everyone scattered to start the day, he decided to dive in with both
feet and hope there was water in the pool.
“Ma’am?
Would you have a moment?”
Lieutenant
Dunfee’s stare could have stripped paint from a suspension bridge but her words
weren’t quite as harsh as he feared. “What is it you can’t bring up in front of
the squad, Loveless? Tell me you haven’t screwed up again.”
“No,
ma’am. It’s nothing to do with investigations.” He hesitated, fighting against
foot scuffing. “My mother called this morning…”
“Gods
preserve us,” Lieutenant Dunfee muttered. “My office.”
When
they’d entered the office and closed the door, he forced himself to sit
straight in the chair in front of her desk rather than curl into the ball of
mortification he would’ve preferred.
“Apologies
in advance, ma’am, for any irritation or inconvenience.”
“Spit
it out, Loveless. The suspense is already getting on my last nerve.”
“Yes,
ma’am. Mother has gotten it into her head that we—the Seventy-Seventh—should
have an open house of sorts. Not really an open house, since it would be by
invitation, but an event where our, ah, benefactors could come for a meet and
greet luncheon sort of thing.”
“You
mean to see how we spent their money.”
Carrington
shrank despite himself. “I don’t think I can deny that. Apparently, Dr. Hayes
had mentioned something about visiting the station the last time he and my
mother had lunch. She took the thought and ran off with it. I realize it was
years ago, ma’am, but we did have help…”
She
waved him off with an aggravated snort. “I haven’t forgotten. Damn right we owe
some of the old money in this city. Irritating to have our workspace invaded
but saying no would be flat out stupid. And might cost you an ear, if I know
your mother.”
“Probably.
Possibly half my face, as well.”
“I
know she didn’t come to you without a date.” Lieutenant Dunfee turned to her
screen, presumably to pull up calendars. “When does Helen want this?”
Carrington
consulted the little notebook from his shirt pocket. “She mentioned the
thirteenth.”
Lieutenant
Dunfee’s eyebrows drew together. “Valbuena’s due for his visit that week.
Though having brass in from State is probably more good than bad.”
“As
if we’d specially invited the elite in just for his benefit,” Carrington
murmured.
“Don’t
get smart. Richard will be in his element. Charming the local royalty.”
“Mmm.”
Carrington choked down all the smartass things he wanted to say about Valbuena.
Not that he hated the captain with the forge of a thousand suns as he hated
some of the vamps at State. No. Valbuena wasn’t so bad and was a serious,
competent detective. He was still dreadfully high-handed and full of himself.
“Tell
her the date works and I trust her to make any arrangements she sees fit. But—”
“Ma’am?”
“You are
a law enforcement officer, not a damn party planner, and she’d better
remember it.”
“I’ll
be abundantly clear, ma’am.”
“Out.
Get to work. Stop bringing me complications.”
“Ma’am.”
Carrington touched the illusory brim of a nonexistent hat in salute and fled.
All
things considered, not the worst meeting he’d ever had with Lieutenant Dunfee.
