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A love story that can only end in tragedy...
She was never part of the plan.
She was never to become anything.
She was simply a payment, and once the debt was settled, she would be nothing to me.
She thought her life had changed in a blink of an eye the moment she came home to see her father strapped to a chair, a gun being held to his head. It was my life that changed that day, not hers.
The blood of my enemy ran through her veins, and no matter how much she wanted to save me, she never would have. I am a monster. I can't be saved. I would consume the world in a blaze of fire before my need for vengeance was ever fulfilled.
They say the truth will set you free…
I thought she had betrayed me in ways I never expected, but in the end, it was I who had committed the ultimate betrayal.
Doubts ruin, truths hurt, and just one lie can destroy an entire army. If being the king has taught me anything, it's that everyone desires the truth, but no one wants to be honest.
The monster inside of me has been set free, and I will stop at nothing to destroy my enemies.
I am a living, breathing, killing machine... This war has just begun.
She was never part of the plan.
She was never to become anything.
She was simply a payment, and once the debt was settled, she would be nothing to me.
She thought her life had changed in a blink of an eye the moment she came home to see her father strapped to a chair, a gun being held to his head. It was my life that changed that day, not hers.
The blood of my enemy ran through her veins, and no matter how much she wanted to save me, she never would have. I am a monster. I can't be saved. I would consume the world in a blaze of fire before my need for vengeance was ever fulfilled.
They say the truth will set you free…
I thought she had betrayed me in ways I never expected, but in the end, it was I who had committed the ultimate betrayal.
Doubts ruin, truths hurt, and just one lie can destroy an entire army. If being the king has taught me anything, it's that everyone desires the truth, but no one wants to be honest.
The monster inside of me has been set free, and I will stop at nothing to destroy my enemies.
I am a living, breathing, killing machine... This war has just begun.
Clutching my head in my hands, I
bend over. I'm angry with myself for feeling as if I'm not strong enough to
handle this. It's more than just a war with John; it's a war with myself to be
the man I need to be, the man my mom wanted me to be.
Without thinking, I kick the coffee table in front of me as my anger and frustrations boil over. I can't do this; I was never taught how to deal with this shit. When you live a life like mine, you know nothing but strength, power, privilege, and entitlement. You grow up believing you're better than everyone else and can do whatever the hell you want. I have lived my life believing I'm invincible, so imagine my shock when weakness and vulnerability smacked me in the face. I never considered the possibility that I, the feared and powerful leader of the King empire, could fall to my knees, no longer untouchable.
And yet, here I am...broken and alone with no fucking clue about what to do next.
With all my strength, I haul my ass off the sofa, my mind blazing with things I
can't control. Did loving her make me weak, or am I bringing myself down? Do I only have myself to blame for my downfall?
"You’re what you make of yourself, Alzerro." I suddenly hear my mother's soft, comforting voice. I'm taken back to when I was a toddler and would snuggle in her lap while she shared bits of wisdom and ran her fingers through my hair. I always felt so loved and safe in her arms. Looking back, I think she somehow knew she wouldn't be here when I grew up, so she made sure she gave me those cherished moments and memories to always hold on to for comfort and guidance.
I can’t do this, Mom...I can’t fucking do this…My chest is heaving, and as I whip open the back door to run, I realize I have nowhere to go. I am a little boy again, trapped and afraid.
“You're stronger than this, Figlio. You can do what needs to be done. I believe in you.” Her voice is merely a whisper in my mind, but it rattles my heart so much that I feel as if I'll pass out. Instead, I walk outside and sink to my knees in the backyard, welcoming the darkness as it encompasses me.
“Come on, Alzerro, we must be going now, and we don't have time for you to change," my mother yelled up the stairs. She was always telling me what to do, what to wear, and how to act. My mom checked my appearance every time we left the house. Sometimes I wore the wrong shoes, chose the wrong tie, or had wrinkles in my clothes. No matter how small the imperfection, I had to keep trying until I met her high standards. She wanted me to be perfect, but I never understood why.
“Mom, I don’t want to go," I complained. Whining never did me any good, so I had no idea why I was acting like a brat.
Looking me straight in the eyes, she smiled. My mom was breathtaking and beautiful in her own way.
“We all do lots of things we don’t want to do, Alzerro. That is the lesson in life: sometimes things are hard, and it’s impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel," she began to explain. My mom bent down to adjust my tie, like I knew she would, before continuing, "but once you reach the end of the tunnel, you can look back and say, 'That wasn’t so hard now, was it?'"
I pondered what she said for a moment before asking, "Have you ever had to do something like that?”
Her head tipped to the side as she examined her work, and for a second I thought she wouldn’t answer me. Then she crouched down to my eye level and stared at me for a moment.
“We all have to do things we don’t want to. I have done my fair share of things I never wanted to do, as have many of the people around you. There will come a time in your own life when you have to make choices and do things you don’t want to. When the chance arises, grab it and hold on. If you do what you think is right to the best of your abilities, I promise that you will come out a new, better person in the end…”
The memory spirals out before I can finish my thought. I come to my senses and feel the plush grass beneath my hands. Tears streak down my face, and as I wipe them away, more appear. I take deep breaths, trying to steady my rapidly beating heart.
There is no other way around all of this. I know that in the end, I won't have to make a choice for it has already been made. My choice is a life with Bree; I choose love.
Without thinking, I kick the coffee table in front of me as my anger and frustrations boil over. I can't do this; I was never taught how to deal with this shit. When you live a life like mine, you know nothing but strength, power, privilege, and entitlement. You grow up believing you're better than everyone else and can do whatever the hell you want. I have lived my life believing I'm invincible, so imagine my shock when weakness and vulnerability smacked me in the face. I never considered the possibility that I, the feared and powerful leader of the King empire, could fall to my knees, no longer untouchable.
And yet, here I am...broken and alone with no fucking clue about what to do next.
With all my strength, I haul my ass off the sofa, my mind blazing with things I
can't control. Did loving her make me weak, or am I bringing myself down? Do I only have myself to blame for my downfall?
"You’re what you make of yourself, Alzerro." I suddenly hear my mother's soft, comforting voice. I'm taken back to when I was a toddler and would snuggle in her lap while she shared bits of wisdom and ran her fingers through my hair. I always felt so loved and safe in her arms. Looking back, I think she somehow knew she wouldn't be here when I grew up, so she made sure she gave me those cherished moments and memories to always hold on to for comfort and guidance.
I can’t do this, Mom...I can’t fucking do this…My chest is heaving, and as I whip open the back door to run, I realize I have nowhere to go. I am a little boy again, trapped and afraid.
“You're stronger than this, Figlio. You can do what needs to be done. I believe in you.” Her voice is merely a whisper in my mind, but it rattles my heart so much that I feel as if I'll pass out. Instead, I walk outside and sink to my knees in the backyard, welcoming the darkness as it encompasses me.
“Come on, Alzerro, we must be going now, and we don't have time for you to change," my mother yelled up the stairs. She was always telling me what to do, what to wear, and how to act. My mom checked my appearance every time we left the house. Sometimes I wore the wrong shoes, chose the wrong tie, or had wrinkles in my clothes. No matter how small the imperfection, I had to keep trying until I met her high standards. She wanted me to be perfect, but I never understood why.
“Mom, I don’t want to go," I complained. Whining never did me any good, so I had no idea why I was acting like a brat.
Looking me straight in the eyes, she smiled. My mom was breathtaking and beautiful in her own way.
“We all do lots of things we don’t want to do, Alzerro. That is the lesson in life: sometimes things are hard, and it’s impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel," she began to explain. My mom bent down to adjust my tie, like I knew she would, before continuing, "but once you reach the end of the tunnel, you can look back and say, 'That wasn’t so hard now, was it?'"
I pondered what she said for a moment before asking, "Have you ever had to do something like that?”
Her head tipped to the side as she examined her work, and for a second I thought she wouldn’t answer me. Then she crouched down to my eye level and stared at me for a moment.
“We all have to do things we don’t want to. I have done my fair share of things I never wanted to do, as have many of the people around you. There will come a time in your own life when you have to make choices and do things you don’t want to. When the chance arises, grab it and hold on. If you do what you think is right to the best of your abilities, I promise that you will come out a new, better person in the end…”
The memory spirals out before I can finish my thought. I come to my senses and feel the plush grass beneath my hands. Tears streak down my face, and as I wipe them away, more appear. I take deep breaths, trying to steady my rapidly beating heart.
There is no other way around all of this. I know that in the end, I won't have to make a choice for it has already been made. My choice is a life with Bree; I choose love.
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J.L. Beck is the Best Selling Author of the Bittersweet Series, and Indebted (A Kingpin Love Affair Vol:1). She lives in Elroy, WI with her husband Brandon, and daughter Bella.
Since the moment she could reach the shelves on the book shelf shes been reading, thus influencing her to write. Her favorite books are those that leave an imprint on your soul. You know the ones, that have you putting everything off because you have to find out what happens next.
When she's not writing or reading you can find her picking up after her three year old daughter, or explaining to her husband why its unsafe to do something any other way, than the way your wife told you too.
Shes a huge fan of all things drama, with shows like The Vampire Diaries, and Arrow being some of her favorites. She's addicted to all things social media, caffeine, and Starbucks.
Stalk me, you know you want to:
Facebook/Twitter/Goodreads
Sign up for my newsletter: http://eepurl.com/2aydr
Since the moment she could reach the shelves on the book shelf shes been reading, thus influencing her to write. Her favorite books are those that leave an imprint on your soul. You know the ones, that have you putting everything off because you have to find out what happens next.
When she's not writing or reading you can find her picking up after her three year old daughter, or explaining to her husband why its unsafe to do something any other way, than the way your wife told you too.
Shes a huge fan of all things drama, with shows like The Vampire Diaries, and Arrow being some of her favorites. She's addicted to all things social media, caffeine, and Starbucks.
Stalk me, you know you want to:
Facebook/Twitter/Goodreads
Sign up for my newsletter: http://eepurl.com/2aydr
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