A changed name, a different country, a new life.

Carte blanche, right?

Perhaps, and I might have enjoyed it under different circumstances. But the bottom line is- he won't stop until I'm dead.

I've done my best to stay in the shadows. Laying low and only speaking when I absolutely need to. It worked well for me until Ryder walked into my life. Or more accurately, jogged.

The dark and broody owner of Callaghan Securities invaded my reclusive bubble when I least expected it. Knowing that my time spent avoiding people could be coming to an end, I have an important decision to make. Am I able to open up about my past? Let him in, let him help?

Or will I embrace the cold hearted bitch I have become and leave him behind like everything else in my shit life.

I was once a nice woman named Jayne O'Connor.

I’m not sure I know who that is anymore.

Ryder has done his best to break my armor. It’s been a slow process but he’s reminded me what it’s like to feel again. I could never thank him enough for the toe curling and life altering experiences. He’s been my light in a hurricane-but even I know the sun can’t shine all the time. I have a big decision to make and it’s not as simple as just going left or right, forward or backward.

I’ve heard people say that when we hit a crossroad in life, the only difference is that one way is longer than the other. (Believe me when I say that these people are full of shit-don’t listen to them.) I’ve hit every fucking intersection from Canada to the USofA and no matter what direction I take, the distance is always the same. The reason for this is because it’s not about the distance, it’s about the outcome of the journey.

This journey of mine only leaves me two choices and neither satisfy me. Do I continue on my path towards retribution for my family? Or do I focus on the first man to crack my ice cold heart? He’s the only man who has ever made me feel safe at night; the first to truly accept all of me- scars included.

I’m at a crossroad and no matter which way I turn, I’m fucked.

Ryder or retribution?

This life of mine isn’t a fairytale- I know I can’t have both.

I am a thirty year old woman who loves books. Not just reading them, but books themselves. I have had a weird obsession with libraries and maps since I was a child.

Perhaps I can call it fate that I wrote my first book about a woman enters more than one address into her GPS throughout the story?

Sunny days and wine make me happy, and when I'm not enjoying the wine you can usually find me reading or making crafts with my six year old.

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